Deborah Gibson's Old Nose is Only In Her Dreams

Image courtesy Star Magazine.

Yes, this is former 80s teen pop star Deborah "don't call her Debbie anymore" Gibson, after a recent nose job. Owen Wilson called - he wants his schnoz back! This is really quite tragic. Deborah was one of the rare few stars whose teenage career didn't mess her up and she recently made a lucrative career for herself on Broadway. I think the doctor that did this to her should be sued up the wazoo.

Here's a picture of Debbie from more innocent times:

Continue Reading... Label: 1980s

If You Like Mike

Picture courtesy ClevelandSeniors.

PBS has started airing Mike Douglas - Moments and Memories. The special is being described as "a profile of talk-show host Mike Douglas (1925-2006) that includes comments from Bill Cosby, Bob Newhart and Yoko Ono, and archival footage from his show, including clips of Tiger Woods, John Lennon and Marlon Brando." Check your local listings for air dates and times in your area.

I hope this classic moment of John Lennon performing with Chuck Berry will be one of the clips shown. In case it isn't, I'm posting it from YouTube here because it's well worth the expression on Berry's face when Yoko begins her famous signature wailing. To be honest, her interuption hardly hurts the already lackluster rendition:

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Old School Sesame Street Full of Bad Role Models

Picture courtesy FunnyPart.com.

This is one for the gimme a break category.

It's recently been revealed that the first two DVD packages of the earliest episodes of Sesame Street (which debuted on PBS in 1969) have warning labels on them that indicate they're "intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today's preschool child."

The program's executive producer Carol-Lynn Parente told The New York Times that they probably wouldn't be able to show a lot of classic images on Sesame Street today. Cookie Monster is cited as a major criminal for eating all those cookies or smoking a pipe while playing Alistair Cookie.

According to Parente, the Oscar the Grouch character would not be created now. Too grouchy and mean. Snuffleupagus is a reference to hallucinations. And in the very first episode that ever aired, Gordon befriends a lonely little girl, takes her hand and leads her home to meet his wife and eat milk and cookies.

That PBS. Such a live wire for controversial programs (remember the Arthur fiasco about the potentially gay animated character from a few years ago?) Do they not know what kids are watching nowadays? It's ironic how parents will let their brats play nauseatingly violent video games, watch the same kind of crap on TV, have easy access to porn online and in their own house, swear, run around disrupting customers in public places, and allow them to yell and punch them, but yet Cookie Monster is considered "unsuitable."

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Go Retro Video of the Day: ABC

"I didn't know that Benny Hill directed music videos."

OK, I stole that line from a comment on YouTube, but man, does it fit a video that features a ballerina, clowns, and other characters that look like they came from every 60s movie that Dick Van Dyke made. It's hard to believe that at one time 80s music videos like these were considered cool, but they're also rather innocent compared to what views today on VH1. And I like ABC.

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Ghosts of Christmas Past

It's not often that I make fun of retro items. After all, I'm supposed to be the purveyor of retro redux. I want my suggestions to make your humble abode look like Austin Powers' shagadelic hideaway. But once in a while, I come across something I remember from my childhood that is so hideous, so tacky, and so outdated even for its time that it stops me in my tracks cold. I'm warning you, you may want to half-cover your eyes for this one. Today that something happens to be beaded Christmas ornaments from a long-defunct store called Lee Wards. A few misguided souls are selling these gems on eBay, under the delusion that these things are actually pretty enough to display on your tree.

I remember seeing a collection of these in one of the Christmas ornament boxes we'd lug down from the attic each year and personally, they are so fugly to me now that it's physically painful for me to look at them. I think my sister made these, and I think the notion behind them was that you'd be bejeweling your tree in ornaments that looked like Faberge eggs. Only in the 70s would people think that sticking beads and pins into a styrofoam made good objects d'art. Now seems like an appropriate time to blame the era's home decor on all of that marijuana consumption.

This one's called the Irish Tears design. I'm not Irish but the name must fit because it makes me tear up to look at them.

This egg shaped one reminds me of the egg from Alien. You don't want to stick your face too close to that one!

I remember these suckers were heavy, too, from all of the beads and pins. It would be dangerous to swing one of these babies around; you could easily take someone's eye out. Hmmm...that's the only use for these things: self defense weapons!

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Dreaming of a Very Vintage Christmas? Head to Vermont

For years I’ve been receiving catalogs from The Vermont Country Store without giving them more than a quick flip and a toss into the recycling bag. Unfair, I know, but you can blame it on Bob Newhart. I watched enough damaging episodes of his 80s sitcom to mistakenly believe that Vermonters have as much smarts as Britney Spears on a drug-free day.

Until now. I opened up the latest edition of this unknown gem to hit my mailbox, and – where have you been all my life, Vermont Country Store catalog??? This thing is loaded with retro goodness galore. If you’re looking to recreate a 40s, 50s, or 60s home holiday atmosphere, this is the website to go to.

For starters there’s the silvery tinsel tree and color wheel, “for those dreaming of a very 60s Christmas.” They better watch it with that strapline. If people are dreaming of a very 60s Christmas, the young uns’ better stay away from the punch and brownies! The tree comes in two sizes: 4 feet tall at $79.95, and 6 feet at $129.95. The rotating color wheel is $24.95 and lends an even trippier effect to the tree by changing its color. Far out!

For decorating that tree, you can opt for glass ornaments, percolating “bubble” lights, and non-disposable tinsel. The bubble lights are 11 feet long and retail for $24.95.

For the mantel or display table, The Vermont Country Store offers adorable lighted cardboard villages that were once available in five-and-dime stores. I’ve never seen these anywhere else. Each village consists of three pieces and retails for $39.95. There are also bottle brush trees and Barclay metal figurines to complete the look.

If you’re into candles, they sell several whimsical Christmas figures that were popular in the 50s, including carolers, Santa, and reindeer.

But perhaps best of all, The Vermont Country Store is the supplier of many hard-to-find candies and treats that you won’t see in a supermarket. They have everything from Walnettos to British Quality Street candies to brandy-filled chocolate Santas, not to mention cakes, cookies, and Vermont cheddar cheese. The first 27 pages of their catalog alone are dedicated to their food items.

Not only that, but the catalog is chock full of classic toys (all of which are tested at an American laboratory for those worried about lead contamination) and toiletries that left drugstore shelves many moons ago. In fact, I’d recommend just about anything in the catalog to fellow retromaniacs except for the rather unsexy flannel nightgowns – unless you’re looking for a new method of birth control. Victoria’s Secret they’re not, but Vermont Vintage they are.

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Was It The Spring? No, It Was the Riding Crop!

Layla was about Pattie Boyd, Maggie May was about an older woman that Rod Stewart had a relationship with, and Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline was about...Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg. Diamond recently revealed the muse for his famous song at Schlossberg's 50th birthday celebration last week. According to the Associated Press, Diamond confessed that he had seen a photo of young Caroline in a news magazine, dressed in her riding gear, and was inspired by the "innocent, wonderful" picture. Several years later he wrote the song in a Memphis hotel room.

I'm so thankful for that last part. Taken out of context, that admission sounds a bit like the makings of a child molester. I mean, the song does sing about "hands touching hands" and "warmth touching warmth." But we know Neil was better than that. And this was a more innocent time, after all.

Still, I don't need to know who Kentucky Woman was about...

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Sooooo Much Better Than Madonna's Rags

Finally, H&M is giving me a good reason to shop at their stores: they announced a partnership with Finnish fabric manufacturer Marimekko to produce about 50 items of clothing for their spring 2008 collection, to be released in April. Marimekko will be digging up retro patterns from the 50s through the 70s for the clothing line, and will feature tunics and dresses as well as shirts and shorts for men. Men? As much as I'd love to see a retro daddy wearing a patterned shirt, I doubt any straight guys will be caught dead in Marimekko, but at least H+M is going to try. Could turn out to be a waste of good fabric.

Continue Reading... Label: 1960s

Off to The Big Grocery Store in the Sky

Picture courtesy TVLand.

No more warnings not to squeeze the Charmin! Dick Wilson, the actor whose most famous role was playing Mr. Whipple the grocer in over 500 Charmin commercials during a 21-year period, passed away today. He was 91. The first Charmin ad featuring Wilson aired in 1964, and immediately his character and the product's tagline secured a place in memorable pop culture history.

Born in England in 1916, he was the son of a vaudeville entertainer and a singer. The family moved to Canada when he was a child, and he served in the Canadian Air Force during World War II, and became a U.S. citizen in 1954.

In addition to Melanie, Wilson is survived by his wife, Meg; a son, Stuart; and another daughter, Wendy.

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Layla's Layout Online

I know I've been posting a lot about Pattie Boyd lately, but the woman's life kind of fascinates me. How many girls can say they were married to two of rock and roll's greatest? Now I've just discovered her official website. It's chock full of personal photos of her and George Harrison, and even more of her with Eric Clapton. Check out the Polaroids section. Clapton apparently likes animals as much as he liked alcohol. There are a few pictures where he obviously looks stoned.

I seriously think these two crazy kids need to get back together. Never mind that Clapton married a graphic designer half his age. It's pretty obvious that he and Pattie still carry torches for each other. What are the odds that the both of them released autobiographies within weeks of each other? They'd make a better couple now in their wiser older age and without the drugs and booze.

Continue Reading... Label: 1960s

Yeah, It's Been One of Those Weeks

A little Friday sendoff for everybody...

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Choking Smokers, Don't You Know the Joker Laughs at You?

One way we definitely DON'T want you to go retro is by smoking. Today is the Great American Smokeout, so snuff out the cancer sticks! Never mind what doctors used to say.

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