Retro Product Fail #7: Orbitz Soft Drink

Usually Go Retro only focuses on people, places and things from the 1940s through the 1980s, but I think the drink that was known as Orbitz, which was introduced in 1997, deserves a special mention. That's because its status has now been elevated to vintage novelty item, with a bottle currently going for $39 on eBay (which may have gone up by the time you read this post.)


The Orbitz soft drink could be the ultimate poster boy for the "What the HELL were they thinking?" consumer product category. If you've ever wondered how to make a soft drink go from yummy to yucky, Orbitz's creators had the answer: add disgusting little gelatinous balls to it. Introduced by the Clearly Canadian Beverage Company, Orbitz promised to deliver a "texturally enhanced alternative beverage" while looking like an edible lava lamp.

Yes, with Orbitz you could have your sip your drink and chew it, too. Or you could spit the balls at your unsuspecting friends. And the suspended balls weren't the only part about Orbitz that was disgusting; reviewers liken the taste of the liquid itself to Pine Sol or cough syrup. The flavors sound positively gut-wretching, with names such as Pineapple Banana Cherry Coconut (too many flavors - make up your mind!) and Charlie Brown Chocolate. Here's some excerpts from reviews still floating around online on the drink:

"We all tried the different flavors, and one was more disgusting than the next.  How could something like this possibly have made it to market?  My only explanation is that this was the height of the dot com bubble, a romaticized time when every unconventional and asinine idea could take flight." - Retro Thing

"When I finally had the balls (er, sorry) to try it, it tasted like the sort of thing thirteen year old boys dare each other to drink in a school cafeteria. And those balls only made it worse. I mean, here's this disgusting drink. One can almost handle that, but oh those balls. I caught one with my teeth and bit into it. It was like biting into radioactive mucous Tang. I don't want to think about it anymore." - Joe Lavin, Orbitz: The Drink With Balls

"It tastes like water that came out of a vase used for flowers. . . . the balls make it even worse." - James Craven, Superfox

What was even more embarrassing for Clearly Canadian was the marketing concept that the beverage came from the Planet Orbitz...it seems only aliens could dream up something this bad!

Not surprisingly, Orbitz only lasted a year or two on store shelves before being discontinued, another fatality of the dot-com era. The Orbitz website has now been taken over by the travel agency with the same name. Strangely enough, there are some folks out there who liked the drink enough to start petitions to bring it back. I'll stick to Canada Dry, thanks very much!

Does anyone else remember this disgusting drink, or did you try it?